Poly ponderings

[tamidon]

So i'm starting to worry about stuff before they even happen. This great guy I'm dating, who makes me really happy, doesn't have a primary. Now, he's not looking for one since his job is stressful and lousy hours, and it's kinda cool for him to be with someone who isn't expecting him to change that. However, I worry that he does deserve a primary, is a great guy and would be great for him to have a primary, but...what if he does find a primary and the first words out of her mouth are "Ditch the married chick"? The fact that he's never done poly before is affecting what I worry about. He doesn't know any poly folk and isn't likely to anytime soon, and the people he runs into in his life on a regular basis are almost guaranteed to be monogamous. I was so happy that he was so mellow about adjusting to poly life and ideas, never thought I'ld suffer from fears of monogamous women. I think I'm starting to get attached to this guy, and it's making me nervous.

On a lighter note, he's taking me to Foxwoods next week since he got 2 consecutive days off in the middle of the week. Fun fun fun:-)

Comments

[fj.livejournal.com]

Then a way to deal with that concretely is to have him meet enough poly people that he'd start wondering why he'd ever go back to being monog.

[catya.livejournal.com]

i like the way you think ;)

[dbang.livejournal.com]

Some people choose monogamy even when a majority of their social circle are poly.

yenta?

[dbang.livejournal.com]

Obviously what you need to do is hook him up with a primary who is poly. You know lots of people in that category -- surely you could find someone suitable. :-)

I've actually thought a lot about this, because of this longstanding tenacious crush I have on a very monogamous person. In my mind, I take the tack of persuading him to dally with me by pointing out that if he's single, then dating me doesn't make him poly, it is just a fun interlude while he waits for Ms. Right. But what if I got attached, and then, in fact, Ms. Right came along and I got dropped like a hot potato? That would suck.

[tamidon.livejournal.com]

The big problem with that is that he's not into big social things and almost always works saturday nights. How do you intro him to poly folx(and my greater extended community) if his days off are random and weekdays? I'll just have to deal with my insecurities.