The main effect my lj posts seems to be to reassure my childless friends they made the right choice. Sorry about that folx, but it's not really that bad, I just tend to vent here.
Do you think if you only had 1 kid it would be so difficult? I only have the one, and it's hard, but it doesn't seem to degenerate into utter hell the way it does for my friends with >1.
I've always thought , at least when they're healthy, that >1 was better. Alyssa and Adira have so much fun, and have this life that I only oversee. I'ld hate to have just one, but I hated being an only child. I always thought that only children(and I include myself) grow up some combination of lonely, neurotic and/or spoiled.I must point out that this is the first time both have been seriously sick, and the first time Alyssa has been seriously sick at all.
I didn't mind being an only, especially after i learned to go out and find other people. If my parents had been more gregarious, this would have happened sooner.
My mom said they had my brother essentially for me. He's an okay guy, and I played with him when we were little, but I don't think I would have been worse off if I'd been an only child. I think I would have appreciated the extra attention from my parents. I was a pretty solitary kid, anyway, usually preferring to read or draw than play with others. I personally don't intend to give Ilana a sibling. I'm not cut out to have more than one kid, at least not for the forseeable future. O&D are planning to have one of their own eventually, though, so that takes care of that.
I can see how having two might be easier than one, if they were spaced pretty far apart (like >3 years) or you adopted the second one as a toddler... but I can't imagine having a toddler and a newborn, especially as a single mom and with my CFS, anxiety, etc.
I can see how >1 could be easier when things are basically okay, because they can entertain each other, but it's my perception that when your parenting life is super-hard, it's because something -unpleasant- is going on with both your kids at once (like illness), which leads me to think it's part of the number of kids you have that's causing the difficulty, and not parenthood in general.
That being said, I definitely don't mean to criticize you for having more than one kid! I'm sure there are a lot of people more grateful for their siblings than I am. ;-) Just saying that >1 is sometimes a tough row to hoe.
well, i've heard of cases where the older sibling turns from nice to a brat, to get attention away from a new baby. Probably this only happens in cases where the parents allow it. My friend sicklemoon's twins are delightful, and do seem to amuse each other- though i'm just waiting for the day when they realize they can band together to achieve their ends... watch out, world!
Actually, not a bad public service... Not only for the reassurance of us childfree curmudgeons, but for those considering reproduction- I've occasionally heard such comments as "wow, i never actually realized how time-consuming and difficult it would be until I did it..."
you had them while you were "young", and are still healthy and able to enjoy them when they're not being crazed little fae creatures ;-)
I do like kids, but understand that they are an incredible investment of time and energy, and that being a parent isn't always sunshine and lollipops (but it can be an amazing experience)
You're doing a public service. If someone is scared off by mere reports of a few bad nights as a parent they're probably not in a good frame of mind to be a parent anyway.
I'm all in favor of those not wanting children not having children.
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tamidon
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Date: 2003-08-16 03:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-16 03:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-16 04:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-16 05:28 pm (UTC)I can see how having two might be easier than one, if they were spaced pretty far apart (like >3 years) or you adopted the second one as a toddler... but I can't imagine having a toddler and a newborn, especially as a single mom and with my CFS, anxiety, etc.
I can see how >1 could be easier when things are basically okay, because they can entertain each other, but it's my perception that when your parenting life is super-hard, it's because something -unpleasant- is going on with both your kids at once (like illness), which leads me to think it's part of the number of kids you have that's causing the difficulty, and not parenthood in general.
That being said, I definitely don't mean to criticize you for having more than one kid! I'm sure there are a lot of people more grateful for their siblings than I am. ;-) Just saying that >1 is sometimes a tough row to hoe.
no subject
Date: 2003-08-16 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-16 03:58 pm (UTC)in a way, I envy you...
Date: 2003-08-16 04:54 pm (UTC)I do like kids, but understand that they are an incredible investment of time and energy, and that being a parent isn't always sunshine and lollipops (but it can be an amazing experience)
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Date: 2003-08-16 05:24 pm (UTC)Oh, wait....
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Date: 2003-08-16 08:51 pm (UTC)hell, please, people, just get over pretty much all those OTHER pesky issues too :)
snicker :>
Looked at another way...
Date: 2003-08-17 09:30 am (UTC)I'm all in favor of those not wanting children not having children.